My boyfriend (via thecarrionlibrarian)
#no but can you imagine if that was how you learned once a month you weren’t pregnant#by some dude singing songs about the victory of it#you wake up and he’s there and you are so happy#this dude becomes your favorite dude#but then you realize you haven’t seen your friend’s minstrel in a while#I mean everyone notices#like half the people are on the same cycle so for one week out of four your job is just flooded with fucking minstrels everywhere#the cacophony#but Mary over there is all alone#and she’s like my minstrel is late#but we all fucking know#her minstrel has gone off to find her a baby#a nine month journey he must make alone#and until he comes back there is no music in her life#what a glorious world this would be#I love the minstrels (@onionjuggler)
i’ve never seen any nsfw jaime reyes stuff but i can only hope that people are including the scarab in all of his sexual encounters. i mean.
he’s on the receiving end of hickeys??? “JAIME REYES, TEETH ARE BEING BARED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE SUPERIOR VENA CAVA. PROCEED WITH CAUTION; PROTECT THE JUGULAR AND PULSE POINTS. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION: IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.”
his partner takes off their clothes??? “JAIME REYES, THE ADVERSARY HAS SHED OUTER PROTECTION AND IS NOW RENDERED AT LEAST 16% MORE VULNERABLE. UPDATING WEAK POINTS.”
jaime tries to dirty talk??? “JAIME REYES, THE CURRENT METHOD OF SEXUAL STIMULATION IS DEEMED UNWISE. STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, THE MAJORITY OF HUMANS ARE UNLIKELY TO REACH CLIMAX BY BEING SPOKEN AT, REGARDLESS OF VOCAL HUSKINESS.”
jaime’s scarab for world’s worst wingman 2k14